Chatventures: The Medusa Plot, Part 4

Nireth climbed into a tree and hung upside-down. “You guys look funny from this perspective,” she giggled.

Snoopy barked at her, and Camile followed her into the tree. Nireth waved at Snoopy and began to laugh harder, then fell out of the tree. “Oof!” she said, rubbing her arm. She stared up at Camile, “Wow, you climbed up high!” she marveled.

Camile climbed higher into the tree, then noticed that Vampire Lord was carving something into it. She climbed out into the branch above him and asked, “What’cha carving?”

“Nothing,” Vampire Lord said, leaning against the tree.

‘It’s got to be something,” Camile frowned.

Rue climbed high to the top of the tree. She spotted something in the distance and hissed–there was something watching them from the top of a burnt tree.

Vampire Lord shifted uncomfortably, revealing a “VL+”

Camile raised her eyebrows, curious. He moved again, revealing an “N”.

“Oh, for Nicki Minaj!” cried Camile. “The rapper!”

Suddenly, there was a monstrous thud. The thing shadow had seen sitting in the tree a while away had fallen out!

Vampire Lord jumped, and the full message read: “VL+N”. He blushed furiously.

“What was that?” asked Nireth, looking around. She saw the tree and flushed a deep crimson.

“That’s so sweet!” Nireth said, her face burning.

“I threw up in Paris Hilton’s closet!” sang Camile, trying to relieve the awkwardness.

Shadow changed the “+” to a “-” and snickered.

“Who’s Paris Hilton?” asked Nireth.

Snoopy trotted to Nireth and sat at her side. Nireth scratched him behind the ears. Rue hissed at Snoopy, but Snoopy just stared blankly back.

“She’s some kind of celebrity,” explained Camile.

Vampire Lord grabbed a picture of him and his mom, and a picture of Nireth. He cut out his mom and stuck the picture of him with the picture of Nireth in a picture frame.

“Um, there’s photoshop for that, you know,” Camile pointed out.

“I know!” Vampire Lord said. “That’s how I made this picture!” he handed Camile a picture of  her kissing Paris Hilton’s closet.

Camile’s face blanched, “I must destroy this!” she whispered hoarsely.

“Too late!” laughed Vampire Lord. “I saved it to my computer, and now I’m sending out pictures to everyone in Mir!”

“You wouldn’t!” Camile cried, disbelieving.

“Hello,” Machine Lord said, walking up to the group. “I–” his Smartphone rang. He took it out and checked his e-mail. “What is this?” he cried, staring at the picture of Camile kissing Paris Hilton’s closet.

“E-mail?” asked Thunder Ninja with a laugh. “Whatever that is, I’m glad I don’t have it!” she made a face, “It sounds like a disease!”

“What is this?” Machine Lord echoed, looking around for answers.

“Ask him,” Camile tossed her head at Vampire Lord, crossing her arms and brooding.

Machine Lord shook his head, “This is a joke. I hate e-mail.” Machine Lord crushed his phone with a single hand.

Meanwhile, the thing that had fallen out of the tree sat on the ground, wondering what was going on. It was named Flambe, and had been watching the group for quite some time now. It figured it would have to get their attention somehow–they were too wrapped up in their strange little conversation to notice that it had fallen from a tree. Flambe shot a burst of flames at a tree nearby the group, setting it on fire.

Startled, Camile, Vampire Lord, Rue, Thunder Ninja, Machine Lord, and Nireth jumped.

Rue yowled as she cought on fire.

“Oh, no!” wailed Flambe, wandering into sight. “I’ve set another cat on fire!”

“Rue!” cried Thunder Ninja. “Are you all right?”

“Fine,” Rue said, putting out the flames by rolling around.

Suddenly, Vampire Lord’s rear end caught fire.

“Help!” he shouted, jumping up and down madly.

Thunder Ninja laughed, but decided to help him. She grabbed a bucket of water and threw it on him. The flames grew higher.

“There was gasoline in there!” he shouted. The fire burnt through his pants, revealing a pair of Pinkie-Pie underwear.

Machine Lord frowned, “Whatever respect I had for you has now been lost,” he said solemnly. “Get a MAN’S underwear.”

“Nice,” Camile said, trying not to laugh.

Nireth collapsed to the ground in a heap, laughing so hard she could barely breathe.”

“Get BOXERS!” Machine Lord commanded. “Be a MAN!”

“Vampire Lord–what!?” Thunder Ninja stared at the underwear, “I have those underwear–those same, exact… DID YOU RAID MY CLOSET?”

Flambe sat there, watching the spectacle. It was amused, but confused.

Vampire Lord’s Pinkie Pie underwear burned through, revealing Unicorn underwear underneath.

Machine Lord was obviously distressed, “You should try Hanes,” he recommended. “They’re insulated, so they wouldn’t burn like the flimsy, womanly stuff you have on now. Not to mention: they’re extremely manly.”

“We don’t care about underwear!” Thunder Ninja cried. “We’re trying to keep our friend from completely combusting!”

Machine Lord held up a campaign for Hanes underwear. The model is strangely familiar–he has silver skin, and is very shiny.

“Oh my GODS,” Camile said, her jaw dropping to the ground. “Machine Lord–that’s you!”

“They were trying to appeal to female robots,” he explained. “Their husband units needed SOMETHING comfortable to wear under their trousers.”

“URGH!” Flambe groaned. “I’m just going to turn into a cat and laze around.” It was slightly irritated by the fact that it was still being ignored, despite the fact that it had set a huge tree on fire.

Thunder Ninja shook her head. “Please, Machine Lord!” she exclaimed. “What has this world come to? Robots in Hanes commercials!”

“And who else would be a better model?” asked Machine Lord, sounding slightly Lancelot-esque.

Vampire Lord’s Unicorn underwear had burnt to ash by this point; beneath it, he was wearing Nireth underwear.

Nireth went beet-red and covered her eyes modestly.

“For your information, I had these before I met you!” Vampire Lord said, flustered.

Thunder Ninja’s jaw dropped, “Oh my goodness!” she cried.

“I believe you,” Nireth said, still blushing madly, “I just–um–didn’t know they had underwear with me on them!”

Snoopy walked away, growing disinterested in the group’s antics. Flambe watched lazily.

“With my lean phisique, what other robot would look as good as I do on this poster?” Machine Lord continued to talk about his Hanes modeling picture.

Frosty began to laugh so hard she froze herself.

Flambe rolled around, content. It glared at various insects, but decided not to chase any of them. It was simply too lazy. There was only one thing disturbing Flambe: the noises the lousy humans made! “You’re all so loud!” it hissed.

“I smell fire,” Camile said. She looked at Vampire Lord, “Well, more fire than before.”

Machine Lord sniffed, “I’m on fire,” he said slowly. “I’m on fire!” he cried again, his head bursting into flame. “Too much laughter!” he shouted.

“I’m always on fire,” Flambe said, wandering over to Nireth and sitting in her lap.

“Oh, no!” Vampire Lord cried as his underwear burnt through again. He tried to hide his new underwear from Machine Lord.

“Do you have any Machine Lord underwear?” asked Machine Lord. “They’re insulated…” his voice trailed off. “Wait. You’re not on fire any more.” His eyes narrowed. “You’re wearing Machine Lord underwear!” he realized.

Vampire Lord sighed and hung his head. His “I Love Machine Lord” underwear were now visible.

Nireth screamed with laughter and rolled onto her back, hardly able to breathe.

“That pair was for fangirls,” said Machine Lord, “not… men…” he gave Vampire Lord a very strange look.

“Says you!” cried Vampire Lord.

By now, not a single eye was dry–everyone (except for Machine Lord and Vampire Lord, of course) was laughing so hard, they cried!

Suddenly, the group was in a simulator, watching how Vampire Lord got his “I Love Machine Lord” underpants. He was dressed as a girl, and he snuck to the front of the line, bought the last pair of underwear, and ran off with it. A horde of screaming fangirls chased after him.

Suddenly, one of the fangirls turned and seemed to see through the stimulation. “GET HIM!” she screamed, pointing at the present-day Vampire Lord. Vampire Lord’s face drained of color.

A mob of fangirls attacked, stealing his underwear. Underneath, he was wearing “Thunder Ninja is a Man” underwear.

“Where do you get this stuff?” asked Camile, laughing.

“Vampire Lord,” Machine Lord said slowly, “I think you have a problem.”

Suddenly, the fangirls turned on Machine Lord. They were cackling like mad witches.

“Ladies, please,” Machine Lord tried to calm them down, but they picked him up and carried him around on their shoulders.

Flambe made a terrible noise, which startled Snoopy. Snoopy walked over to Flambe, sniffing curiously.

Suddenly, Paris Hilton burst from the simulator.  “CAMILE!” she bellowed. “I am going to kill you!”

“I pretty much predicted that,” Vampire Lord said proudly.

“Go away!” shouted Thunder Ninja, throwing raw eggs at Paris.

Camile pulled out a role of duct tape, “This should take care of the fangirls,” she smiled grimly. “Look! It has Machine Lord on it!” she shouted, lifting the duct tape high into the air.

Machine Lord heaved a sigh, growing weary of the attention, “I really should cut off my underwear line,” he sighed.

“NOOOO!” the fangirls shrieked, horrified by the idea. They began to chase Machine Lord around. “NO!” he shouted.

Vampire Lord ripped off his underwear, displaying a new pair: these had Paris Hilton’s head screaming, “I’M GOING TO KILL YOU, CAMILE!” on them.

“I’ve got to get out of here!” Machine Lord panicked.

He flew away and went to his home, retiring to his bed. However, he awoke moments after falling asleep, finding himself surrounded by fangirls. “No!” he cried, but they held out duct-tape and rope and tied him up, then hauled him away to a warehouse.

“HELP!” Machine Lord bellowed, his voice so loud that the group could hear it from miles away.

“The fangirls!” Exclaimed Rue. “They must’ve gotten to him!” she smirked, “I know how to defeat Machine Lord now,” she said wryly.

The rest of the group ran to the source of Machine Lord’s voice. They waited outside the warehouse. “We love you SOO much, Machine Lord!” the fangirls cooed. “You’ll never leave us again.”

Machine Lord tried to escape, but to no avail. The fangirls were forcing him to sign autographs!

 Flambe suddenly let out an ungodly screech.

Nireth jumped.

“Look!” whispered Vampire Lord, “I found my other pair of Nireth underwear!”

Camile made a face, “You keep Nireth underwear?”

Nireth blushed, “That’s nice,” she said, her voice very small.

Flambe frowned and shouted, “I’M HUNGRY!”

Nireth picked up an apple, “Here, Flambe!” she offered it to the cat.

Flambe politely turned it down, “I can only eat things that aren’t edible–and blood,” it explained. “And sometimes meat, if I’m feeling emotional.”

Vampire Lord began to sing. “With my arms out wide, I open my eyes, and all I want to see is a sky full of lighters!”

“Here, eat this rock,” Camile gave Flambe a rock. Flambe turned away and began to eat.

Meanwhile, Vampire Lord had managed to tear the duct-tape off of his face. Unfortunately, the Fangirls noticed and put on a fresh piece.

Camile snuck in and cut the duct-tape off of Machine Lord’s mouth. Snoopy and Rue attacked the fangirls. Nireth chased off a few with her frying pan, and Camile and Thunder Ninja fought off a good percentage of them. Flambe, though, did most of the scaring; it chased the Fangirls around, pleading diplomatically, “Please! Just let me eat you. I’m sooo hungry!”

Some of the fangirls that had been chased off wandered to Vampire Lord, hearing his singing. They picked him up and carried him to a quicksand pit.

“Thank you!” Machine Lord said, getting to his feet. “Those Fangirls–they’re insane! If I had never done my underwear modeling campaign, they wouldn’t have been so radicalized!”

“You’re just lucky they haven’t written any fanfiction yet,” Camile said gravely.

“Can I eat some of your Fangirls?” asked Flambe.

“Don’t eat the fangirls!” Machine Lord commanded.

Flambe gobbled one up, anyway.

Surprisingly, Machine Lord began to cry.

“Don’t cry!” Nireth ran to hug Machine Lord. Rue pulled out a video camera and filmed Machine Lord crying.

Camile taped all the fangirls to a pole, “There,” she said. “That should hold them!”

“Can I please eat some more?” pleaded Flambe. “Just some of their blood–that’s all I need!”

“Let’s get out of here!” Machine Lord said, looking around nervously.

The others all agreed; they fled the building. All except for Flambe, who stayed behind and had a swift snack.

Machine Lord returned and stared, angry. “Flambe!” he bellowed. “I said no!”

“I’m sorry!” Flambe cried. “I’m just sooo hungry!”

Machine Lord threw Flambe into a buffet restaraunt.

“You cruel being,” Flambe hissed. “I can’t eat anything here!”

Machine Lord laughed, “It’s the worst torture!” he chuckled maliciously. “Pretty ingenious, no?”

Flambe snarled and set the restaraunt on fire. Machine Lord simply laughed, “It’s not my restaurant!” he said.

Snoopy, bloody from fighting with the Fangirls, fainted at Nireth’s feet.

“Snoopy!” Nireth cried, kneeling by the dog. “Are you all right?”

“Eat this,” Thunder Ninja said, feeding him some herbs.

Some Fangirls jumped out of a nearby bush.

“If you kill any of them, may I eat their bodies?” asked Flambe timidly.

Meanwhile, Vampire Lord was sitting lazily in the quicksand pit the fangirls had thrown him into.

Flambe reached out a hand to save Vampire Lord.

“It’s all right,” he said with a laugh, “I’m not sinking or anything.”

Suddenly, he started sinking. Flambe tried to haul him out, but he kept sinking, anyway.

Thunder Ninja fell asleep, but one of her feet was resting in the quicksand. It started sinking rapidly.

Rue tried to drag Thunder Ninja out of the quicksand. Camile joined Rue in her efforts, but only got herself stuck.

Rue ran to Vampire Lord to try to help him, and Nireth followed in Rue’s footsteps.

“I’m stuck!” Camile called, panicked. Nireth ran to help Camile, but found she had already sunk too far into the quagmire to move.

Everyone came to a startling realization–they were stuck!

Rue turned into Frosty and froze the quicksand around her. She wormed out and was about to help the others when she heard a whimper. Snoopy was still wounded, although Thunder Ninja’s herbs had healed the gravest of his wound. Frosty turned back into Rue and began to work her healing magic.

Machine Lord flew out of the quicksand and pulled Nireth out.

“I’m still hungry!” Flambe groaned. Machine Lord pushed it deeper into the quicksand.

“Thanks, Machine Lord!” Nireth said. She turned to help the others.

Vampire Lord jumped out and pushed the fangirls in.

Machine Lord grabbed Thunder Ninja’s head and grabbed her from the quicksand. Nireth held out a hand to Flambe, but it refused her help.

“I’ll only burn you,” it said. “Besides, I’m too tall to sink far enough into the quicksand to end up dead.”

Vampire Lord had somehow gotten his head stuck in the quicksand.

“Vampire Lord!” Nireth called, running to his aid. She grabbed his shoulders and tried to pull him out, but he wouldn’t budge.

Machine Lord pushed Flambe even deeper into the quicksand. Flambe stared at him blankly. “You’re serious?” it asked him.

Thunder Ninja ran to help Nireth. Still, Vampire Lord sunk slowly into the quicksand.

Flambe grabbed Vampire Lord and hauled him out. Meanwhile, Machine Lord was being overwhelmed by a crowd of crazy fangirls.

“Help!” he cried. “They’re suffocating me!”

Camile tossed him a roll of duct-tape, “Use this!” she exclaimed.

“I would,” Machine Lord sounded uncharictaristically distressed, “but I’m stuck in their braces!”

“Would you mind if I killed them so I could eat them?” asked Flambe.

“No!” Machine Lord exclaimed. “Oh, ow! Ow! Ow!”

“Please?” Flambe asked, making a puppy face.

“Absolutely no–AAUGH, stop pulling! I’m caught in your braces!”

Vampire Lord pulled out a very strong magnet from his backpack, drawing Machine Lord out of the crowd of squealing fangirls. However, he also pulled some of the ones with braces out, as well.

“Does anyone have a cell phone?” asked Machine Lord. “I seriously need to call a dentist. This is ridiculous.”

“Use mine,” Camile said. “But no using it for evil plots!”

“Aww,” sighed Machine Lord, disappointed. He called a dentist and explained his predicament. “Oh!” he said after a moment. “So I twist my head like this–” he came unstuck. “Hey, it worked! Thanks! I’ll make your death swift and painless,” he hung up.

A fangirl stepped on the cellphone and super-glued Machine Lord to her braces. “I own you, Machine Lord!” she screamed.

“Dang it!” Machine Lord cried.

“I would help you get it off,” said Flambe, “but you won’t let me eat. So… no.”

Another Fangirl glued her braces to Nireth’s back. Nireth cried aloud, “Please! Get off!” She stopped herself, “No offense, of course! It’s just hard to move around!”

Flambe ran to Nireth and ripped through the glue.

“Thanks, Flambe!” Nireth heaved a sigh of relief as the Fangirl ran away.

Flambe nodded and sniffled, “No problem!” Flambe then began to cry, “I’m so hungry!” it wailed. “WAAAH!”

Vampire Lord sprayed gasoline on all of the Fangirls, then set them on fire.

“NO!” Machine Lord cried, dousing the flames and bringing them back to life. “I’m leaving–and they’re coming with me! You’re all clearly crazy,” he looked around the group and vanished, along with all the fangirls.

Flambe began to cry even louder; the food had been so close! But then it had been revived…

“I have an idea for a sitcom!” Vampire Lord cried suddenly.

“Noooo!” Camile said. “No, no , no! I am NOT being on a sitcom!”

But it was too late. They were all in costumes.

Vampire Lord was sitting on a couch. Three men and Nireth entered.

“Hi, dads!” Vampire Lord said. “Oh, Nireth! Have you seen my fourth father?”

“No!” Nireth looked surprised. “How do you have four fathers?” she asked.

Suddenly, another man walked in. “Dad number four!” Vampire Lord exclaimed. “Hi!”

Suddenly, everything faded. Flambe had turned into a baby dragon. Nireth squealed with delight and ran over to pat Flambe.

“That’s what it would be like if we were in a sitcom,” Vampire Lord said.

Camile shuddered, “You see, there is a reason that I’m not on a sitcom,” she said ruefully.

Suddenly, they were in some sort of Anime universe. Nireth was in a racecar, and Flambe the dragon was sitting on her head.

“You cannot race in this race! You are too young! Aah ooh ah!” Vampire Lord shouted. The car shot off at top speed.

Nireth screamed, trying to avoid crashing into the walls.

R.C. and Camile cheered, “Go!”

Vampire Lord jumped into a car, “Vampire Lord will win this race!” he said, then laughed. “Ahahahahaha!”

As suddenly as it had begun, the fantasy ended.

“Never,” Vampire Lord said, breathing heavily, “speak of that again!”

Nireth shook her head and looked around. “Hey!” she exclaimed. “Where’s Snoopy?”

Once again, the scene changed. The group was tiny, and they were standing in a mousehole. A giant cat paw swiped at them, but when the beast lowered its face to the hole, it was–

“Isabel!” Vampire Lord exclaimed.

Suddenly, there was a loud barking and a cat’s wail could be heard. A giant dog nose appeared at the entrance to the mousehole.

“Snoopy!” Nireth cried. “So that’s where you got off to!”

Then, everyone started to grow. Their surroundings disappeared, and Vampire Lord turned into a train.

“What on Mir?” exclaimed Flambe. A train flew by, knocking it off its feet.

“Flambe!” Nireth cried, running to aid her friend. Before she could reach Flambe, however, a train rocketed past, cutting her off.

Flambe shook its head. Suddenly, it glanced down. “Oh my LORD!” it exclaimed. “I’m–I’m human!”

Once the train had finally passed by, Nireth ran to help Flambe. She saw a strange boy in a flame-yellow tunic, but no Flambe.

“Flambe?” she called.

The boy looked up. “Nireth?” he asked. “Is that you?”

“Yes!” Nireth nodded. “Are you–” she gasped, “you’re Flambe!”

Flambe nodded miserably, “I hate being human,” he groaned. “It’s so cold!”

“Here, take this,” Nireth randomly pulled out a blanket.

Flambe took it, “Much better,” he said, wrapping it around himself. “Where did you get this?” he asked.

Nireth was startled. “I actually don’t know!” she said with a nervous laugh.

Snoopy walked up to Nireth and stared at her blankly. Nireth bent down and scratched him behind the ears.

TOO BE CONTINUED…

DUN-DUN-DUUUUN!

(O.K., so that ending was, like, a total anti-cliffhanger ^^” I just didn’t want to exclude Snoopy, because I knew that he got left out a lot, which made me really sad. I cut out some stuff, but mainly just for post length’s sake ^^” I’m sorry if I undermined your character’s role! If I did, please let me know. Thanks in advance! ^^)