If you guys want to yell at me, it’s okay.
But… I’m alive!
Well, my rant:
I was at an audition to do a benefit performance with the Wicked cast members on tour, and I went up.
I completely, literally went up during the song. I was representing Thespian Troup 6266 as ‘SRHS Girl’ (or at least, that’s what my application said) and I was really excited. Well, I saw the other kids representing the other schools. They were really nice, actually. The one representing LVA was really amazifying and nice. Well, this is how my audition went.
Dance: I never considered myself as a swing, who can learn several parts. Swings are often embarrassed to put ‘swing’ on their resume, but I say it’s something to be proud of! I’d cast a swing over an ensemble any day, swings are just amazing to have that mentality. Well, in dancing, I’ve never even thought about auditioning as a swing, but it was one of those ‘learn the dance, then dance it’ auditions. It was only 24 counts, but I just couldn’t dance. I’m a trained tap dancer (yeah… TAP. It’s actually not that embarrassing though) so I don’t do modern or hip hop. Oh well, I learned the routine, went onstage with the other kids, entered stage left, and danced. Needless to say, I forgot the dramatic side-step, but I kept a smile on my face. That’s called being Smartified. When all else fails, smile.
Song: After dance, you get on stage and sing a song. Well, every Hairspray audition song I’ve ever done has always ended in a disaster. You Can’t Stop The Beat for LVA, I went off key, I Can Hear The Bells for Annie and I crack, the usual. Well, let me say this. I crack, I go off key, but I never stop singing. Stopping singing is the worst thing you can do at an audition. And want to know what happened today? Yeah, I stopped singing. I haven’t the foggiest what possessed me. I literally just went up (that’s theatre terms for drawing a complete blank). I was singing Mama I’m a Big Girl Now (obviously not, after this audition, but still) and I entered at “Ma, I got to tell you that I have no doubt” or something right on pitch with the right amount of belt to fill the whole room. But just as I entered another verse, “and you’re so twisted too… Whoa-oh-oh-oh…” Well, I felt myself switch from chest vice to head voice, as I sang a D, and the thinking threw me off. NEVER think during an audition. Just don’t. Well, I was going down on the “whoa/oh-oh-oh” and I was thinking, “chest voice”. Because I have a blissful blonde brain, I can’t focus on two things at once. And then I just lost it. I simply froze and heard the accompanist going on with the song. I stood there, feeling the casting and artistic directors’ eyes on me, and all the other actors’ shock, and then… I laughed.
As you all know, I have the strangest reactions to stuff. Well, I stopped, the directors stared at me, and I opened my mouth and let out the most high-pitched laughter ever. I even squeaked! For a few moments, I laughed madly, until the accompanist asked if I needed a moment. I simply shook my head (still laughing) and stuttered “I… I forgot a line!” That drove me into more hysterics, until one of the people came to gently guide me off the stage. But then I realized I was being ridiculous. So I stepped forward, looked at my sheet music, and told the accompanist, “give me two measures before “Once I used to fidget…” and he did. I belted the rest of the song. Hmm.
Monologue: monologues are my strong point, because I can project well. After finishing laughing my head off at my seat, I clambered back on stage and took the spotlight. And I said my monologue. From Love Never Dies. And it went well!
And yet, no one else stopped singing.
I wonder about me sometimes. I’ve done pretty embarrassing things other times (it took me about 10 minutes to get the right modeling pose at a ‘shoot once) and I’ve covered for other actors (once this kid just ran off the stage. Me and the girl were playing the leads in this musical so we improved until someone sent the understudy on we waited for the next musical cue) but I’ve never, like, done anything so embarrassing.
Oh well. I’ll never do choreography with the cast members of Wicked. Now I just have to wait till tomorrow to mess up my Compulsive Liars audition.
I’ve been so busy! I’ve been booked all week! My only free day is Sunday. I’m doing The Nutcracker auditions on Saturday, and I’ve yet to get new ballet slippers. Hmm. Great planning on my part. Oh, and guess what?! I already got dress-coded! I try to break the dress code twice a week, and not get caught but I got caught yesterday. I was wearing ripped jeans and they were a ‘fire hazard’. Not kidding. That’s what they literally said. Isis the dumb thing and protested the validity of the claim. I got reminded that I was the student, and the lady who dress coded me was the adult. I got to walk around in gym shorts the rest of the day. I was the only techie not dressed all in black. Pity.
So! Lies I’ve told this year at school so far.
Lie: “That math test? Oh, I’m the most smartified kid in the class. I got a hundred. Because I’m so smart.”
Truth: “I failed it. Happy, now? It wasn’t even a fifty. It was a zero. I can’t draw a square.”
Lie: “Oh, no, you saw wrong. I was picking up my fallen bracelet. I didn’t trip or anything.”
Truth: “I tripped up the stairs. It’s possible, you know.”
Lie: “I’ve got a wonderful soprano voice. I’m the bestest singer in the world.”
Truth: “Yeah… Um, no comment. But let’s just say my mom thought a cat was dying when I was singing the last notes of Phantom.”
Lie: “This summer? I went all over! Hawaii was great, and I did amazing ‘shoots!”
Truth: “I stayed home all summer. And the only ‘shoot I did was a Back To School Ross Shoot. I call myself a pitiful creature of darkness because of that.”
Lie: “Oh… I’m sorry, I can’t actually see what you wrote on the board. I forgot y glasses.”
Truth: “I think I left my glasses somewhere in Chicago, to be honest. They’re not popular, Glinda claims. And Glinda’s always right. So I will learn to see without them.”
Lie: “I never lie!”
Truth: “I’m a master liar… Or am I? ;)”
Lie: “The homework? My dog ate it.” (This is why I never let myself improvise: I always have the other actor on stage do it, and I just follow their lead).
Truth: “I gave it to my dog to eat. But she didn’t. So I destroyed it myself.”
Lie: “I want to be a psychologist when I grow up.”
Truth: “I don’t like psychologist. They don’t like me. I don’t like them. I wanna be on Broadway. Who cares if I’m having delusions of grandeur?”
Lie: “I spent 20 minutes studying last night for the test.”
Truth: “I left my binder at the Rainbow Theatre. And I didn’t even notice it. Because to be honest, I spent all night trying having delusions of grandeur.”
Lie: “Oh, I actually got a hundred on that Biology test!”
Truth: “The girl next to me got a hundred… And the logic follows that I did too.”
And now, I leave you with this Glinda/Fiyero picture! I’m the only Gliyero shipper in the world. But I’m a multi-shipper. I ship Fiyeraba, Gelphie, Gliyero, you name it, I ship it.