I think I have officially spent too much time watching the X-Files.

Today I got a “birthday gift” in the mail from some company I don’t even know and never filled out anything for!

Anyway, they sent me one of their “state-of-the-art shaving razors” that “lathers as you shave” ??

It’s really dorky looking:

shhh top secret

There’s absolutely NO WAY I’m going to use this thing!! It could be an assassination attempt–maybe the blades are poisoned? Or maybe they’ll just shoot out of the razor and hurl with deadly velocity towards an artery!

But anyway the box told me not to open one end… OF COURSE THAT’S THE END I’M GOING TO OPEN!!

definitely a significant part of the narrative

The other one might be rigged with some kind of tracking or timing device! Who knows, it might have sent out a brain-washing radio wave!

top secret your eyes only 1

So yeah long story short I need to stop watching X-Files.

(But not before I bury this thing under 5 miles of dirt so it can never hurt anyone)

What’s the sketchiest thing you’ve ever gotten in the mail?


4 thoughts on “Welp.

  1. That looks like it could kill someone! Interesting…

    I don’t think I have gotten something sketchy at the mall before.. I mean, I go there when I need a specific thing, from a specific store.

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